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A couple of boys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track when out of the bush's jumped the Game Warden!
Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods, and hot on his heels came the Game Warden...
After about a half mile the boy stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thigh's to catch his breath and the Game Warden finally caught up with him...
"Lets see yer fishin license, Boy!" the Warden gasped..
With that, the boy pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license..
"Well, son", said the Game Warden, "You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!"
"Yes Sir", replied the young feller," But my friend back there, well, he don't have one"...
An Essex girl goes to the council to register for child benefit. "How many children?" asks the council worker "10" replies the Essex girl "10???" says the council worker.. "What are their names?"
"Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne"
"Doesn't that get confusing?"
"Naah..." says the Essex girl "its great because if they are out playing in the street I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY or WAAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..."
"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed council worker.
"That's easy," says the girl... "I just use their surnames."
An English man, a Scottish man and an Irish man all entered a 26 mile long swimming race. After 12 miles the Scottish man gets tired and drops out. Then after 16 miles the English man gets tired and drops out. After 25 miles the Irish man decides he can't finish the race, so he turns around and swims back to the start.
My brother said, 'You'd better know from the start that my favourite food is trash and onions.'
The girl said, 'Tripe.'
He said, 'Don't start arguing before we're married.'
There was me and my brother, in this cottage in the country, all on our own in the dead of night. My brother said, 'What was that noise? I thought I heard an owl.'
I said, 'You probably did. I stepped on the dog's paw.'
Two little East End kids were paddling in the sea at Southend. 'Cor,' said one, 'look at your feet. They ain't half dirty.'
'Well, we didn't have no 'oliday last year.'
An Englishman, and Irishman and a Scotsman are running down the street away from the police as they had just robbed a bank. They look for somewhere to hide and find some bags. the Englishman jumps into the bag named 'cats', the Scotsman jumps into a bag named 'dogs' and the Irishman jumps into the bag named 'potatoes'. The police find the bags and kick the one named cats, the englishman says 'meow'. the Scotsman gets kicked and says 'woof'. The Irishman gets kicked and says 'potatoes'!
Wee Hughie adored and loved his girlfriend, Lorraine, to whom he was engaged to be married. Wedding plans were well underway and he was looking forward to spending the rest of his lfe with Lorraine.
However, a beutiful young lady, called Clearly, came to work in his glen and they found that they got on together very well and as time went by, Wee Hughie realised that he was in love with Clearly and that the Love was reciprocated.
Being a gentleman he decided that as he had promised to marry Lorraine he would do so and steadily removed himself from his other relationship.
One day, he and Lorraine were walking along the banks of the River Tay. As they walked, Lorraine slipped and fell into the river and was swept away and drowned.
He stood on the bank for a few minutes feeling very sad before walking away singing happily.
And this is what he sang.
"I can see clearly now Lorraine has gone"
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