DOCTOR: Well, Mr Jones, I can't find anything wrong with you. It must be the drink.
MR JONES: Okay, Doctor, I'll come back in the morning when you're sober.
'Doctor, doctor, little Jimmy has a saucepan stuck on his head. Whatever shall I do?'
'Don't worry, you can borrow one of mine. I'm going out for dinner."
Last summer a doctor and his family were at the beach having a good time. All of a sudden the doctor spotted a dorsal fin sticking out of the water and fainted. When he came to, his wife said, "You have to be less paranoid, dear. That was only a shark. Stop imagining that there are lawyers every- where."
This man went to the doctor. He said, 'Doctor, my nose runs and my feet smell.'
The doctor said, 'You're built upside down.'
This woman went to the doctor. She said, 'Doctor, my husband thinks he's a cat.'
The doctor said, 'How do you know that?' She said, 'Well every night, when I go to bed, there's this horrible howling outside the window.'
The doctor said, 'Yes, but are you sure that that's your husband?'
She said, 'Well a cat wouldn't use language like that.'
The doctor comes in and tells his patient he has some good news and some bad news, the good news is that you don't have cancer, the bad news is that you have short- term memory loss. Then the patient says, "But do I have Cancer?"
A man walks into the doctors, he says 'doctor doctor, I think I'm a moth.' The doctor replies, 'Well I think you need a physciatrist not a doctor, why did you come to me?'
'Well' then man replies, 'I was walking past your surgery and your light was on.'
Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, and I keep losing my temper with people.
Doctor: Tell me about your problem.
Patient: I JUST DID, DIDN'T I, YOU STUPID IDIOT!
A man walked through the door and said "Doctor! Doctor! I think I've gone blind!" and the other man said "you surely have mate, this is a restaurant."
Patient: Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs.
Doctor: I know we had to cut off your arms.
"Doctor, doctor, every time I drink a cup of coffee I get a sharp pain in my nose."
"Have you tried taking the spoon out of the cup?"
Doctor, doctor! I feel like a sheep.
That's baaaaaad.
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