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Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the pretty girl asked, "I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"
"Only one kiss per yard," replied the smirking male clerk.
"That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards."
With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out & wrapped the cloth, then teasingly held it out.
The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old man who was standing beside her. "Grandpa will pay the bill," she smiled.
"I'd like to buy some gloves for my wife," the young man said, eyeing the attractive salesgirl. "But I don't know her size."
"Will this help?" she asked sweetly, placing her hand in his.
"Why yes," he answered. "Her hands are just slightly smaller that yours."
"Will there be anything else?" the salesgirl queried as she wrapped the gloves.
"Now that you mention it," he replied, "she also needs some lingerie."
An old lady tottered into a lawyer's office and asked for help in arranging a divorce. "A divorce?" asked the unbelieving lawyer. "Tell me, how old are you?"
"I'm eighty-four," answered the old lady.
"Eighty-four! And how old is your husband?"
"My husband is eighty-seven."
"My, my," said the lawyer, "and how long have you been married?"
"Next September will be sixty-two years."
"Married sixty-two years?! Why would you want a divorce now?"
"Because," the woman answered calmly, "enough is enough."
He asked God, "Why did you make her so kind-hearted?"
"So you could love her, my son."
"Why did you make her so good-looking?" he asked again.
"So you could love her, my son."
"And why did you make her such a good cook?" he queried further.
"So you could love her, my son."
The man thought about this and said, "Well, I don't mean to seem ungrateful or anything, but ... why did you make her so stupid?"
"So she could love you, my son."
A little old man was escorted into the witness box. He was sworn in and asked by the lawyer to explain what happened.
After a lengthy discussion of the events leading up to the incident he finally got around to the meat of the case, "...and then she hit me with a maple leaf."
"A maple leaf? Surely that couldn't have caused you any serious injury" said the lawyer.
"Are you kidding?" exclaimed the old man. "It was the leaf from the center of our dining room table."
An insurance salesman was trying to persuade a housewife that she should take out life insurance.
"Suppose your husband were to die," he said, "what would you get?"
The housewife thought for a while, and then said, "Oh, a parrot, I think. Then the house wouldn't seem so quiet."
In a small town, there was a big factory that hired only married men.
Upset, a local woman called on the manager and asked him, "Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think women are weak, dumb, cantankerous or what?"
"Not at all, Ma'am," the manager replied. "It is because our employees are used to obeying orders and have learned to keep their mouths shut when I yell at them."
Bill and his wife, Sherry, get along just great, except that Bill complains Sherry is a "backseat driver" second to none.
After years of putting up with her pestering, Bill finally decided he'd had enough and advised Sherry that he would no longer drive with her in the car.
Later that day, on his way home from work, Bill's cell phone rang as he was merging onto a freeway. It was Sherry calling.
By chance, she had entered the freeway right behind him. "Honey," she said sweetly, "your turn signal is still on. And turn on your lights; it's starting to rain."
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