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The relatives gathered in the waiting room of the hospital where their family member lay gravely ill.
Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's a very risky experimental procedure, and so your insurance company will not pay for the brain."
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. One of them then asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"
The doctor responded, "$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain."
The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man finally blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask. "Why is the male brain so much more?"
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence. "It's just standard pricing. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used."
My girlfriend is weird.
Just the other day, she asked me, "If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?"
I thought about a moment and answered, "No."
There was a pause, and then she said, "Okay, forget it."
A businessman boarded a plane to find, sitting next to him, an elegant woman wearing the largest, most stunning diamond ring he had ever seen.
He asked her about it.
"This is the Klopman diamond," she said. "It is beautiful, but there is a terrible curse that goes with it."
"What's the curse?" the man asked.
"Mr. Klopman."
A man is talking to his best friend about married life.
"You know," he says, "I really trust my wife, and I think she has always been faithful to me. But there's always that doubt."
His friend says, "Yeah, I know what you mean."
A couple of weeks later the man has to go out of town on business. Before he goes, he gets together with his friend.
"While I'm away, could you do me a favor? Could you watch my house and see if there is anything fishy going on? I mean, I trust my wife, but there's always that doubt."
The friend agrees to help out, and the man leaves town. Two weeks later he comes back and meets his friend. "So did anything happen?"
"I have some bad news for you," says the friend. "The day after you left I saw a strange car pull up in front of your house. The horn honked, and your wife ran out and got into the car, and they drove away.
After dark, the car came back. I saw your wife and a strange man get out. They went into the house. I ran over and looked in the window and saw your wife and the man kissing. Then they turned off the light."
"Then what happened?" says the man.
"I don't know. It was too dark to see."
"See what I mean? There's always that doubt."
Two friends are discussing the possibility of love. "I thought I was in love three times," one friend says.
"How so?" his friend asks.
"Five years ago I deeply cared for a woman who wanted nothing to do with me."
"Was that not love?" his friend asks.
"No," he replies. "That was obsession. And then two years ago I deeply cared for an attractive woman who didn't understand me."
"Was that not love?"
"No," he replies. "That was lust. And just last year I met a woman aboard a cruise ship to the Caribbean. She was smart, funny, and a great conversationalist. And everywhere I followed her on that boat, I would get this strange sensation in the pit of my stomach."
"Was that not love?" his friend asks.
"No," he replies. "That was motion sickness."
A man entered a busy florist shop displaying a large sign in the window that read, "Say It With Flowers."
"Wrap up a rose for me," he told the florist.
"Only one?" the florist asked.
"Just one," the customer replied. "I'm a man of few words."
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