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Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.
If at first you don't succeed, try management.
The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
Useful Work Phrases
1. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.
4. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
5. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
6. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
7. How about never? Is never good for you?
8. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
9. You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication.
10. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
11. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
12. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
13. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
14. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
15. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?" The Engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The HR Person said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?" The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow!!! Are you kidding?" And the HR Person replied, "Yeah, but you started it."
If you don't know what you're doing, do it neatly.
Work fascinates me. I can sit and watch it for hours.
When in charge, ponder. When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.
This is page 5 of our collection of office jokes and humor.
Confession is good for the soul, but bad for your career.
I overheard two dissatisfied colleagues talking today, one was saying that he was going to work for Euro Disney because he was fed up with his present job and wanted to work for a real Mickey Mouse Operation.
I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made.
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