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Why are there hardly any dental professionals in Arkansas?
Because it takes 35 patients to make a full set of teeth.
A visiting professor at the University of Montana is giving a seminar on the supernatural.
To get a feel for his audience, he asks, “How many people here believe in ghosts?”
About 90 students raise their hands.
“Well that's a good start,” says the professor, “Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?”
About 40 students raise their hands.
“That's really good,” continues the professor, “I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?”
15 students raise their hands.
“That's a great response,” remarks the impressed professor, “has anyone here ever touched a ghost?”
Three students raise their hands.
“That's fantastic. But let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?” asks the professor.
One student in the back raises his hand.
The professor is astonished.
He takes off glasses, takes a step back, and says, “Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.”
The redneck student replies with a nod and begins to make his way up to the podium.
The professor asks, “Well, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost.”
The student replies, “Ghost?!?” Dang, I thought you said ‘goats.’
Backup - What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods.
Bug - The reason you give for calling in sick.
Byte - What your pitbull done to cousin Jethro.
Chip - Pasture muffins that you try not to step in.
Terminal - Time to call the undertaker.
Crash - When you go to Junior's party uninvited.
Digital - The art of counting on your fingers.
Diskette - Female Disco dancer.
Fax - What you lie about to the IRS.
Hacker - Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking.
Hardcopy - Picture looked at when selecting tattoos.
Internet - Where cafeteria workers put their hair.
Keyboard - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere.
Mac - Big Bubba's favorite fast food.
Megahertz - How your head feels after 17 beers.
Modem - What you do when the grass gets too high.
Mouse Pad - Where Mickey and Minnie live.
Network - Scooping up a big fish before it breaks the line.
ROM - Where the pope lives.
Screen - Keeps mosquitoes off the porch.
Serial Port - A red wine you drink with breakfast.
Superconductor - Amtrak's Employee of the year.
SCSI (pronounced scuzzi) - What you call your week-old underwear.
Tasties in a Half Shell
Q: Why did God invent armadillos?
A: So that rednecks can have 'possum on the half-shell.
Redneck Marriage
How can you tell if a redneck is married?
There is tobacco spit stains on BOTH sides of his pickup truck.
How do you know the Toothbrush was invented...
How do you know the Toothbrush was invented by a redneck?
Because it would have been named a Teethbrush if someone else had.
What do you get when you have 32 rednecks in a room?
A full set of teeth.
One day there were two men walking down a dirt path. One of them had a big potato sack over his shoulder. The other decided to ask what was in the sack.
When he asked, the man said, ''I got me some chickens for dinner tonight. Mmm Mmm Mmm... Chicken sure sounds good tonight.''
The other one wanted to know how many chickens were in the sack.
''Well I'll tell you,'' replied the man, ''If you can guess how many chickens I got in this here sack I'll give them both to you.''
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