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This guy dies and goes to hell. Once he gets to the gates there is a Matr'D there waiting to greet him. "Welcome to Hell" he said in a happy voice. The guy seemed rather puzzled but went on with his eternity and walked in. "How was your trip? Not too hard on ya I hope." said the Matr'D. "It was OK." said the guy still a little puzzled.
"Well OK here's the grand tour." the Matr'D continued, "Over here we have an all night casino where you always win. Over there is the hotel where you will be spending your eternity, furnished with all the luxuries you can possibly dream of. And in the back there is an all night restaurant filled with all the most beautiful women you can imagine and are ready to do your every bidding and of course the food is great also."
"Now WAIT a minute!" said the guy completely confused. "Yes?" said the Matr'D. "This is hell right? This is MY eternity, full of everything I ever wanted? I thought Hell was supposed to suck ass or something." "Well...heaven has greater and better things than us down here, but they are basically the same thing." said the Matr'D. Still puzzled the guy continues to walk down the road. Then he comes across this pit of fire and screaming and such other unpleasant things. At this the guy got a little bit worried and asked, "WHAT is THAT??" "Oh that." said the Matr'D nonchalantly, "That is the quote 'fire and brimstone' room. Eh it's for those Baptists, shit, that's what they wanted..."
This guy dies and goes to hell. Once he gets to the gates there is a Matr'D there waiting to greet him. "Welcome to Hell" he said in a happy voice. The guy seemed rather puzzled but went on with his eternity and walked in. "How was your trip? Not too hard on ya I hope." said the Matr'D. "It was OK." said the guy still a little puzzled.
"Well OK here's the grand tour." the Matr'D continued, "Over here we have an all night casino where you always win. Over there is the hotel where you will be spending your eternity, furnished with all the luxuries you can possibly dream of. And in the back there is an all night restaurant filled with all the most beautiful women you can imagine and are ready to do your every bidding and of course the food is great also."
"Now WAIT a minute!" said the guy completely confused. "Yes?" said the Matr'D. "This is hell right? This is MY eternity, full of everything I ever wanted? I thought Hell was supposed to suck ass or something." "Well...heaven has greater and better things than us down here, but they are basically the same thing." said the Matr'D. Still puzzled the guy continues to walk down the road. Then he comes across this pit of fire and screaming and such other unpleasant things. At this the guy got a little bit worried and asked, "WHAT is THAT??" "Oh that." said the Matr'D nonchalantly, "That is the quote 'fire and brimstone' room. Eh it's for those Baptists, shit, that's what they wanted..."
A boy asks his father to use the car and the father replies "No, not until you cut your hair!". The boy replies "But father...Jesus had long hair!" to which his father says, "Yeah, but Jesus walked everywhere."
One day a nun got into a cab. The cab driver, noticing she was a nun, and asked her if she would ever have sex. After she had thought about it for a while she said "Well, yeah I would have sex with a man if he had never been married, did not have any kids and went to church every Sunday." So the cab driver said "What do you know, I don't have any kids, never been married and I go to church every Sunday!" So he asked her if she would have sex with him and she agreed as long as he would take her from behind. So they had sex and afterward the cab driver said "Ha ha, I have six kids, I've been married three times and I've never been to church a day in my life!!" And the nun pulled off her mask and said "Ha ha, I'm a man going to a costume party!"
The preacher's wife was making Sunday dinner, when the preacher walked in the house and says "that ham smells wonderful." His wife replies "That's a Dam-Ham." The preacher was surprised by his wife's use of profanity. She showed him the wrapper and explained that was the brand name of the ham. They sat down for dinner and the preacher says to his son, "Son, pass me the dam-ham." and his son replies, "that's the spirit, Pop, now pass me the fucking potatoes"
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